If Only

If Only

Sometimes we think we know what we need. Maybe it’s not, maybe it might…I don’t know. I was feeling this churning / sinking feeling in my chest (as usual), and I asked myself what do I want right now? Here’s what I came up with:

 

Walking around without purpose,

Unable to give my mind a directive.

I see shapes resembling people,

But to their speech, I’m not receptive.

 

I feel the warmth of compassion,

On my shoulder there’s an arm,

I want to run away from them,

They hold on, reassuring no harm.

 

They look into my glistened eyes,

I tear my glance from them away,

They direct my face to them gently,

Confirming, their intent to stay.

 

They take me now to place discreet,

Ask me sincerely what is wrong?

I am here now to stay with you,

You no longer, need to be strong.

 

Letters I can’t seem to put together,

To form any words to speak,

The warmth that trickles from my eyes,

Convinces I’m in need, them I seek.

 

Silence in the air, without a question,

They take me in their safe embrace,

I breakdown suddenly like a baby,

Of the strength I held onto, no trace.

 

Time seems to have taken a nap,

The moments thereafter a blur,

All this while sitting by my side,

My friend, patiently with no stir.

 

Self-consciousness kicks in quick,

I’m embarrassed for collapsing.

They now sit down to listen to me,

I find this act, so surprising.

 

I manage to find the letters now,

With her for long I speak,

I spill my heart out piece by piece,

She’s attentive, not trying to tweak.

 

I reach out innately to her hand,

Profusely her I thank,

For bringing me up to the surface,

Right when I thought I sank.

 

This is the friend I imagine I had,

But I know it’s not realistic,

Who’d want someone always down?

The world as it is, is hectic.

 

P.S. I believe there are people out there, who love and care like this. Maybe I would have had it too, if only I was worth fighting for.

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