Tag: depression

Shitty Overdose 

Today I’m not writing a poem, I’m just writing to share the fact that I finally took the plunge and overdosed on my antidepressants last night. I know the dose wasn’t fatal as I would need to take a shit load more, but I thought it was enough to fuck me up a bit. I had a few uncomfortable hours at night, but apart from feeling numb right now I feel nothing. 

I’m not looking for anyone to say anything or ask. I just needed to get it out of my head as it was a huge step for me,  in the wrong direction. Without getting it out I would have wanted to talk to someone about how I’m feeling, but that’s always a bad idea. So there. It’s out. I’m done. 


Goodbye For Now 

It’s clear at this point that I’m not OK but I feel my darkness is steering my blog in a different direction. It was something that was supposed to be beautiful and to me it seems ruined by what I’m going through. It’s always a relief to write but certain things have stuck on my head,  and I now feel it’s talulacomplain.com. I don’t know if I’m doing this to save everyone from me or punish myself. All I know right now is, before I destroy my blog and delete it all, I’m going to say goodbye. 
I feel like a hypocrite when I say, 

I won’t complain anymore to people around, 

To which torture do I subject my readers,  

To my venom I make them bound. 

I Need You Girl 

I Need You Girl 

Wish I could communicate

To you my dear friend

How in this moment

I want my life to end

I think you always wonder

With goodness all around

How this ungrateful girl

Is in sadness bound

I’m terrified to my core

To you on this complain

I think you are tired of

Me talking about my pain

I’m trying to be brave

And hold this inside

All my broken pieces

From you I try to hide

I just want you to hold me

Tell me what I need to hear

And not be mad when I say

To go to the shrink I fear

I try to get up everyday

And fight with all I got

But everyday I collapse

It can start with a thought

Or just a feeling inside

That I cannot breathe

Or show up in an outburst

I may with anger seethe

I’ve now had a good cry

My face is leaking, red

Once I clear it all up

I’ll pretend I’m well instead

Till the next time see you

In the cracks of my heart

I’ll keep my happy face on

And this mess from you apart

Just know that I love you

Don’t take this hiding wrong

I’m scared of you hating me

Because I am not strong