Tag: tired

Shitty Overdose 

Today I’m not writing a poem, I’m just writing to share the fact that I finally took the plunge and overdosed on my antidepressants last night. I know the dose wasn’t fatal as I would need to take a shit load more, but I thought it was enough to fuck me up a bit. I had a few uncomfortable hours at night, but apart from feeling numb right now I feel nothing. 

I’m not looking for anyone to say anything or ask. I just needed to get it out of my head as it was a huge step for me,  in the wrong direction. Without getting it out I would have wanted to talk to someone about how I’m feeling, but that’s always a bad idea. So there. It’s out. I’m done. 


Short Spurts #42

Out of the blue if I jump 

I know it will upset a few

But I’m stuck in my head

I don’t know what I should do

I swore I would not complain 

To any person around me

It’s hard to not say a word

When I’m sad as can be

I know they love me a lot

But are tired of my whining 

Telling them repeatedly 

That I feel like dying

So now I will not say

That I can control I guess

But when I do decide to jump

I may not say I confess

I’m afraid that having none

Around me to share this pain

Might push me a little further 

As it was my outlet main 

I have nothing against any

All have issues of their own 

Some are strong they can deal

I just feel broken and worn 

Short Spurts #36

I try to do as the doc instructed

Wake up with an energy burst 

I always end up wanting to cry 

Not before my heart sinks first

I feel all doors closing in on me

I don’t know whom to turn to 

Burdened by expectations

I don’t know what I should do

Feel foolish talking to those I could 

Things in my mind have changed

I’m terrified of opening up now

Afraid I be considered deranged 

There’s so much I wanted to do 

In this short life of mine

Now I struggle to get out of bed

And pretend everything is fine

Short Spurts #35

Hope is a breath of air

People consider good

Once from it come you crashing

Hate for it is understood

It makes you a time believe 

You can make it through this 

But when anxious all you feel

Death is your only wish

Bother none with nonsense 

It may be to them noise

Why don’t you snap out already

As if you snapped in by choice

Do this you’ll feel better

Don’t just grumble everytime 

Come on help yourself already 

Don’t waste precious time of mine 

I hate myself enough already 

I can’t have others do it for me

Maybe I should just be silent

Let life take me as can be